Marco DiLeonardo Art

Shit Where You Eat

2011-12-15T11:30:00.000-08:00

Overdressed

2011-11-20T17:04:00.000-08:00

Turning Good Again

2011-11-08T16:28:00.000-08:00

Feastiality

2011-10-25T18:39:00.000-07:00

Maiden Lane

2011-10-12T12:43:00.000-07:00

Leave me alone for an afternoon.
Guess it’s always on me.
Guiding you down that road.
Down that long corridor.
We’re not there just yet.
I’ll pick you up and get you there.

Everyone else is in the way.
Standing with their backs to the door.
I bought you something to make myself feel better.
Funny how nothing works in times like these.
Not until tomorrow or at least dinner.

Six years to the day
Crying every way.
My favorite color bruise.
Learning the benefits of being kind.
You should have been nicer to me.
Now back by zero demand.

Simple Transit

2011-09-21T14:20:00.000-07:00

Child and Error

2011-08-16T14:08:00.000-07:00

Tearful Symmetry

2011-07-15T08:57:00.000-07:00

Purposely Complicated

2011-06-14T19:35:00.000-07:00

We may be going to prison soon.
For sure, there are bars in our future.
Bottles are made increasingly harder to open.
This constant rate of change leaves us dizzy.
Maybe it's better if we left it up to the professionals
who know it all. Shit, we don't know anything.
We're threatened by your foreign language.
Laymen lay down to be trampled if not colorformed.
That sound you hear is us throwing our hands up.
North and South, as if we could understand.
That blank look in our eyes as slow wrinkles form.
At this pace we'd have to sound everything out.
At night dropping to sleep in our sinking deathbeds.
The reality of technology, science, and progress.
It all feels like a nightmare we don't want to wake from.

Castling

2011-06-09T21:06:00.000-07:00

Of Paramount Importance

2011-05-16T19:03:00.000-07:00

Of Paramount Importance

We don't care much about our skin.
Meticulous minds wakes early and exhausts by four.
Calculating punk rock wake up times and shady breaks.
Us delicate creators have no one to play chess with anymore.
No, we don't speak a word to anyone until after noon.
Taking unfamiliar local trains to remind ourselves
just how important it is to make our way
and to make it everyday.

As it happens, we'll throw ourselves out windows
simply because temptation is long gone.
In the event we are suddenly beaten by the chess club
we persevere with misery being our first cousin.
Introverted artists like us stay the fuck away from
any florescence and, god forbid, the sun
to ensure just how important it is
to maintain and to shine.

In Other Words (Shit For Brains)

2011-04-27T06:36:00.000-07:00

Dreamt

2011-04-21T19:48:00.000-07:00

Gift Horse

2011-03-23T18:26:00.000-07:00

The Mask of Masculinity

2011-03-14T18:32:00.000-07:00

Shitheart

2011-02-06T19:40:00.000-08:00

I've been wrong all along.
Using this shitheart to make bad decisions one beat at a time.
Holding tight to personal relics that mean nothing to anyone.
Driving miles over black ice and dismal trash.
Packed in with dirty laundry and awfully cold cards.
The road is no place for split decisions.

All this snow and feeling so alone.
Drying socks over stoves and mending ways.
Left asking myself to check or fold.
When all I've wanted was to bet the farm and watch it burn.
I should cheer for another crisis that's been averted.
That's the problem with wanting what you already have.

Eventually local routes change.
No one sees the incredible progress we've made.
It rolls out like a fog and goes on like a light, every single night.
Today my victory has finally been realized.
Yet I can't tell because I rely on this bleeding shitheart.
The one twisting in my chest that now tells me to go all in.

Heretofore

2011-01-27T14:35:00.000-08:00

Time wastes away enveloped in worry and panic. Visions from the past crawl out from your mind's eye. Finding ways to fluster with all concentration. They call them learning disabilities but really it's enormous disharmony. This is only rhetoric for possible opportunities that never pan out. The constant disconnect we forget to feel. There's no use in trying when are hands are so tightly bound. We should run before they start working on our feet. The tiny fishbowl we live in is quickly evaporating. Health and progress only seem to fail. This is no longer a place for improvement. Bliss is certifiably extinct. All I see is me. Burning in what already passed. An ever-changing mind in a never changing life. Repeating our great depression. Incinerating outside this dying shell. Blazing decay for another day in a terrifying future.

I'm Not Your Type

2011-01-12T16:50:00.000-08:00

False Witness

2011-01-11T20:38:00.000-08:00

2010-12-19T15:31:00.000-08:00

Deprogrammed

2010-11-30T17:36:00.000-08:00

The Flash

2010-11-16T15:27:00.000-08:00

Last Remaining Friend

2010-10-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

Havok

2010-10-10T15:11:00.000-07:00

Nuke Steve Rogers

2010-09-28T07:14:00.000-07:00

Not To Worry

2010-09-23T14:11:00.001-07:00

Sandman

2010-09-04T12:02:00.001-07:00

Human Error

2010-08-30T16:52:00.000-07:00

It's hard to discard those heavy letters you never could send.
To convince him otherwise is like drawing blood from a stone.
Behavior like that will never cease and you know it.
He'll just move away for a while longer the next time.
Then come down on you brick by brick when your eyes are closed.
You'll say nothing because you can't admit your human error.

Those fantasies live inside your mind and that's where they'll stay.

2010-08-24T17:53:00.000-07:00

Hyalophagia

2010-07-19T18:03:00.000-07:00

Hit it. Drink it.
Swallow it whole.
Crank it way up and crash.
On my knees. On my knees.
Down on my back.
Turn the bottle over.
Empty it on it's jagged head.

Murdered elbows and knees.
Crawling on mossy salted rocks.
Blurring eye contact the entire way up.
Entered to kick the jukebox once again.
Where ever we are, we're never going home.
More, more, it's always more.
On my worst behavior.

Never doing this again.
I said that last time.
On my knees. On my knees.
Regret afternoon after afternoon.
You're fine. You're alright.
I don't think so.

Tell No One

2010-07-15T14:26:00.001-07:00

This was no act of vengeance.
Just something that happened effortlessly.
I remember it being different than before.
It was the right place at the proper time.
We were bad, which was actually good.
I majored in being completely vague.
Thinking about how liberating this felt for me.
The was no consideration that this was fucked up at all.
You know how peoples imaginations ran wild back then.
For this I tell you to stay silent, even now.
Keep it a memory under your clothes.
Tell no one.
You acted like you wanted more.
All those what ifs while you headed back.
I defused the desperation by changing the subject.
making fun of those fuckers in the airport.
Making it easier to say goodbye.

Foreign

2010-07-03T09:15:00.000-07:00

Mar

2010-06-02T20:00:00.000-07:00

Pushover

2010-05-27T14:47:00.001-07:00

I'll sit here and take this.
Watch you grow and, yes, I know.
Here on the sidelines.
I know. It could have been me.
I've been there.
I've been there for you.
I was pushed under a bus.
Forever gone in this crazy fuss.
There's just a chalk outline
from a dead pushover.
Now I'm nothing.
Now I'm nothing to you.
I was pushed over the edge.
Always talking you off a ledge.
To let you let me
watch it all unfold.
Because life goes on.
But only for you.

We The People

2010-05-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

Pin IV

2010-04-20T16:32:00.001-07:00

Pin III

2010-04-19T15:51:00.001-07:00

...and you thought it was real.
Real as that fucker's leg. Real like this axe.
Like the wood you'll find between your ears.
Knock on it. Pray for fortunes.
Pray to stay together.
So no one else in this house perishes.
This family must remain.
Who else could there be but Ursula?
She is you in so many ways.
If only she can see.
In the light you created, Leon.
If only she spoke to me the way you do.

Pin II

2010-04-19T15:49:00.000-07:00

For Granted

2010-04-09T19:04:00.000-07:00

Memory Hungry

2010-03-31T17:57:00.000-07:00

Awhorican Idol

2010-02-26T16:33:00.000-08:00

You can't sit still.
On the phone, flirting, throwing shit.
Fingers tapping, radio playing, in a fucking trace.
The same Beyoitche song, over and over.
Attention, attention.
Can we have your attention?
You can't get here on time.
Complaining how you never feel good.
Moaning, Wheezing, oh my fucking god.
The same woe is me excuses, over and over.
Attention, attention.
Do we have your attention?
You can't do any work.
Making fart noises and tap, tap, tapping.
You fucking child.
The same Disgraceney movie, over and over.
Attention, attention.
Do we want your attention?

56:1

2010-02-21T12:31:00.000-08:00

56:1

It's a three way tie.
A cluster-fucking cult jam.
It's that spirit of seventy six
bringing us satisfaction.
How does this happen?
Another name would be a shame.
It'll continue until I get it right.
Until I finally decide to decide.
Monkey in the middle.
Why does this happen?
It's a means of protection.
To keep me warm and hidden.
My guardian angels in armor.
Caring creatures of a kind.
What are the odds?

Influenza

2010-02-09T18:36:00.001-08:00

These hands are bound.
To be rewarded to the kindest bidder.
Your reaction over ownership proved false.
Thus my cover was fully blown.
Fighting to save our friendship,
only to end a dreaded union.
Inches away from being finished in this tangled confusion.
This is best for what was made and what had stayed.
If anger is your way then you've learned nothing.
Shutting me up, out and down reveals my filthy conscious.
The hypocrite I am.

Cardiomyopathy

2010-02-02T19:37:00.000-08:00

Seasoned

2010-01-25T18:57:00.000-08:00

Come Alone

2010-01-18T18:23:00.000-08:00

"Come Alone"

January 2010

Come alone.
It's you I want, no one else.
I'm only inviting you.

You bring your friends,
you missed the point.
You bring your family,
you missed the point.
You bring your past,
you missed the point.

I want to get through to you.
Yes, only you, I want to get to you.
I want to get through your head.

Mongoloid Voice

2010-01-16T10:52:00.000-08:00

"Mongoloid Voice"

January 2010

Play like a professional.
Even if you don't know.
What you do matters least.
Ability never mattered.
Talent is a fucking myth.

Don't you know?
It's who you know.

Double Vision Vanity

2010-01-07T20:38:00.000-08:00

"Double Vision Vanity"

January 2010

Twice the price, less value and truth.
Seen on TV, sold to your youth.
We ingest to survive, treated with meat.
You eat too much, this smells like feet.
Everyone does it, so they say.
Never touch the stuff, twelve times a day.
Seeking advise, ignoring your vice.
Cleanliness is godly, your kids have lice.
All the useless shit, you know I need this.
Pristine brand spanking new, covered in piss.
False statement, believe me it's true.
You don't know me, I think I do.

Empty Handed

2010-01-03T08:24:00.000-08:00

"Empty Handed"

December 2009

Empty Handed:

It's not a blur to me.
Got there with two hours to kill.
Drove over icy bridges and garbage to get to you.
Sat inside my frozen car breathing into my hands.
Pondered over a dirty crumb filled table.
Heard subway trains scream your name.
The locals weren't even around.
No one know.

Walked to your door.
Rang your stupid fucking bell.
This day was already over and we hadn't even met yet.
Called to tell someone, anyone, where I was.
I remember standing by your gate
...and how you made me wait.
No one answered.
No one knew.

Heartbreaker

2009-12-17T02:39:00.000-08:00

"HeartBreaker"
December 2009

Give your mouth a rest and stay the fuck out of my sight. Get your hands off my back and allow me to open my eyes just this once. You're not right, But i'll agree if it makes you stop. I'm done with all these complaints. Just shove me back in.
*
The lack of success is killing me one day at a time. Surrounded by all this incompetence and false forward movement. All the constant revisions for something so uncurable. Wrong all along. Go back and fix everything I wrecked and everyone I broke. Just stop. Stop reminding me of all everything I've ruined.

Defenestration

2009-11-30T20:27:00.000-08:00

"Defenestration"

November 2009

Seems like you're in it for all the wrong reasons.

We heard all about it. Good for you.

I've seen the pictures of you with all of them.

Dear god, I've even read your horrendous work.

I always ask myself how is it that anyone can buy your bullshit. A faceless name in another fucking book.

Then I know that it's all about who you know.

With the clock watchers and swaying trucks, i'm down here.

Waiting on line inside my miserable monotonous shell.

A green eyed monster dressed in confused anger.

Looking up in the hopes of seeing your grand fall.

Passing each story finally makes some sense.

Praying for that latest disappearence.

It was never enough for me, or maybe it was too much.

The drilling keeps me from spelunking passed what was.

If it were only easy to forget my greatest fear.

Out like rubbish. Down to cold twisted reality.

When I jumped none of it mattered to anyone.

You're so high up there. Ever so mighty.

Needing all the premeditated attention and attitude.

Audacity should never be confused with courageousness.

When you finally leave your tower it should be through glass.

Winter Heart

2009-11-21T16:06:00.000-08:00

"Winter Heart"

November 2009

There's a deep freeze coming from the right.

Salvation lies to my left tonight.

If ever I doubted progress it was due to rain.

Blurring windows from seeing passed the chain.

No longer cursed like some gorgeous beast.

Lightning struck wildly from the East.

I've let myself fall through the toss and turn.

By another's painful slowing burn.

The sorrow we shared will never compare.

The others would never know and wouldn't care.

Back then it seemed like the thing to do best.

Traveling over lies heading further West.

The outer shell remains cold and blue.

Yet inside awakes something tepidly true.

The burns subside when we smother.

As we learn new rhythms from each other.

Racing passed centuries via the forth.

Through the veins flowing way up North.

A winter heart thawed out by greed.

With a different variation and greater speed.

It has us fighting another skillful bout.

The core now warm with lesser doubt.

Straight inside your eagerly awaiting mouth.

Through parellel lines running due South.

Functioning Adults

2009-10-28T16:41:00.000-07:00

"Functioning Adults"

October 2009

It was fed to you and you ate it without knowing where it came from. Never thinking about why you wanted it and what it is now doing to you.

...and she loves you for it ?

Fucking Clutter

2009-10-22T15:26:00.000-07:00

"Fucking Clutter"

October 2009

You brought up that mess between you and me.

In the time where left for dead was you.

The lonely mayhem drove you mad.

Now you're stark raving sad.

All your fire to melt my head, chest, and thighs. Forcing me to cross my fingers, legs, and eyes.

You used to wake me just to break me.

After all it's just me... and then you.

Look Alive

2009-10-06T19:31:00.000-07:00

"Look Alive"

October 2009

Cover illustration for

"Groan Of Tedium"

by Sal Cipriano.

Downbound and Absurd

2009-10-06T19:29:00.000-07:00

"Downbound and Absurd"

October 2009

And I know that it's true

All the fire has burned through

Well you know i've played so hard

And the light grows so dim

And my time's getting slim

All the words just don't mean much

And I know i'm saying goodbye

And I know that i'm going down to die

In my heart there's a wind

And it swirls up a din

It's so loud It drowns my mind

Till the coin that I pass

To the ferryman's grasp

Lets me leave my pain behind

So I part And i'm oh so cold

And I hope to release my heart

Better leave while my song still calls

It's the truth

That i'm going down to die

"Going Down To Die" Lyrics by Glenn Danzig

Tell Them What You Told Me

2009-09-19T08:40:00.000-07:00

"Tell Them What You Told Me"

September 2009

Clothes were all over the floor and the ceiling had been ripped off. They had been left alone to play until they fought tooth and nail. Told to eat whenever they got tired and sleep when they got hungry. Spending years in disagreement and celebrating their disgust. These siblings who were dead-set against compromise had been deprogrammed after so much time apart. As family they did not stand a chance.

Houses were purchased over thier future heads. There they were joined together by some near fatal tragedy. With their differences now being their similarities. Invisible walls were destroyed in solidarity. The past had been buried along with any grudge. Facts alone were enough and why never mattered again. As friends they stood to inherit an infinite bond.

Echolalia

2009-08-30T17:43:00.000-07:00

"Echolalia"

August 2009

It takes locks to break them.

With the constant movement of your mouth.

Those messages filled with promise.

Everything you want to share.

...but you said that already.

Kinda Sorta Fickle

2009-08-16T18:54:00.000-07:00

"Kinda Sorta Fickle"

August 2009

I'm nothing but a memory moving from place to space.

Hidden as that lost cruching defeat. Fool yourself no longer. Cast no further stones. My city, your world. These crazy floors. My limited contractions. I'm not ashamed of these. They mean far too much to me. Taught a lesson in personal grace. Sit still. Now face the other way. Put your feet down. Hands to yourself. Wipe your dry, dirty mouth. Hooks in you, out from me. What we deserve lingers. It defines who we are as artists. Waiting for your vacation to finally end from this terrible place. This awful career. It keeps your mind flooded with sounds just so you're always distracted.

Beyond Comfort

2009-08-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

"BEYOND COMFORT"

March 2002

Dream sequence from DETOUR # 3 page 2.

In Your Wake

2009-08-03T15:51:00.000-07:00

"In Your Wake"

July 2009

Push aside the rusting flowers.

Energy bursting from your crushing steps.

Make way through the brick lined constructs.

Focused on leaving this wrecked unjust Earth.

To be vanquished from those already left for dead.

Gone afar and worlds apart.

To starts over again.

Paralyzed by your passing.

Thrashing about barely afloat.

Clutching onto the shit you left behind.

Backsliding in an effort to move forward.

Distracted by every little living thing.

Drowning from the crashing waves.

In your wake.

Nothing Special

2009-07-22T18:52:00.000-07:00

"Nothing Special"

July 2009

I was born across the street from a school.

I grew up down the block from a hospital.

I spent adolescence around the corner from a church.

I experienced eleven months in an ancient city.

I lived my life above a funeral home.

I went home to a suburban town.

I moved into an apartment complex.

Displaced

2009-06-22T19:53:00.000-07:00

"Displaced"

June 2009

These are my eyes but this isn't my body.

My actions are made by another.

This is anything but my home.

It's a house that's run by a mother.

You stopped being my friend long ago.

Running away from that place.

I'll be far away and this won't matter.

Displaced out of sheer disgrace.

Hard Feelings

2009-06-15T20:31:00.001-07:00

"Hard Feelings"

June 2009

It was so dificult to breathe.

Always fearing the ebb and flow of blood inside.

She picked up on the scent and got carried away.

We were dead meat floundering on a sea of blue.

Since then I've never been sure of what was real.

I'd get turned on whenever she would cry.

With time passing I've been her savior.

From the sidelines i'd scream encouragement.

Anything to alleviate the pain and fear.

Drowning to keep her lifeless body afloat.

Then she began to take from another.

And still I was left to be blamed.

I left with nothing while she danced round taking.

She who has it all and hasn't learned a thing.

Yet this hypocrite can never be bothered.

Labeled an albatross while waiting for company.

I gave her everything I never could give.

Simply by giving in and swimming away.

Unreachable

2009-06-11T18:28:00.000-07:00

"Unreachable"

June 2009

He's not done. Up to his knees covered in dirt. There's this last bit of work to finish. Finally earning sweat on his blue collar. Here he finds the drive that was once lost. A reason to move forward for vindication. To truely become out of reach from all of them.

Digging deeper under the foundation. Sliding down this unforgiving sinkhole. Somewhere he won't be found. No window, certainly no future. Only memories of what passed. Just his limited imagination. Inside his final isolation. He's only just begun.

Judgement Proof

2009-05-27T20:13:00.000-07:00

"Judgement Proof"

May 2009

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Connect Four

2009-05-18T20:29:00.000-07:00

"Connect Four"

May 2009

My final lie settles on top of your shit-list.

It may be our thing, but this one is on me.

Carrying the load because we are not smart enough to drop it on someone else.

Those were easier times when I was making everyone cry and you were running.

Erroneously electing another actor king.

Now everyone points fingers while my hand is nestled under your head.

Everything falls into it's own place.

Even if now we act out of character.

Held Against You

2009-05-05T14:31:00.000-07:00

"Held Against You"

May 2009

That time of insanity was never forgotten.

The way it spun out was simply rotten.

Somehow I'm the one who made things worse.

Stripped the screw until it rounded.

Hammered it into the wall to no longer be seen.

Away and hidden from what was.

I'd fall to pieces if you ever found me.

Know that I can not let it go.

Understand that I have to let you go.

Know that I will not let you know.

These parts never seem to match.

Could be your sister or your mother.

Constantly editing and even morphing.

Renaming examples for an easier find.

Unable to place things where they belong.

An ashtray dropped on a decorative grey rug.

My war partner covers me.

Understand that it's time for you to go.

Know that I can not have you know.

Understand that I can not let this go.

Slowly I've become dangerous.

You do your best to turn the screw.

The sum of your parts will never do.

You're only pushing me to disconnect.

Caressing me for the trouble I started.

Leaving me completely uninvolved.

Right the fuck where I belong.

Uninvolved

2009-04-23T20:11:00.000-07:00

"Uninvolved"

April 2009

Another apology is in order. I grow tired of my own lies. The ties that binds will soon collide. That fatal flaw will finally put me over. Right there in the middle. The core of my being put to the test. Yet I never promised. That's not something I do. You'll hold it against me. To stick it in my craw. Then bleed me some more.

I've let go and spiraled out for too long. Uncoiled, unchecked, and untamed. I learned by listening to you. Yet I never said a thing. I quit that too. You sweetly slid and melted down my shoulder and held yourself up against my chest. Looking up you say some nonesense. Then I remind you there's a lie in believe.

Grooming

2009-04-21T15:43:00.000-07:00

"Grooming"

April 2009

Honestly, honesty is Bianca's biggest problem. She knows if she started telling the truth now she would not be able to untie all the cables that keep everything she constructed together. It would mean more destruction and greater casualties. "Who's Left", she would ask herself. Is it just Gary? Paralyzed with fear she couldn't even tell Gary what it was that had happened. She wouldn't even tell us. Somehow we managed to find out that this horror story had something to do with Ursula. Still Bianca was vague and mentioned how we shouldn't know. Her holier than thou attitude had her acting like it was something we couldn't handle. As if we never created monsters in our time. Like we never burned bridges to our past leaving an angry trail of screaming betrayal in our wake. In truth, most of us haven't. But we demanded to know what happened anyay. Afterall this is what friends do. They find this kind of stuff out and use it to not fall into that same pitfall, or to pick themselves up and say, "How could she? I'd never..." and all that horseshit.

She claimed she was goaded to do something she didn't feel comfortable doing. Yet she wouldn't explain it. All she muttered was that it wasn't her desire to be that way and that it didn't fit. "It never fit", she said. She simply paniced and wanted to run away. Not that she was capable. Not away from this city. Not with Ursula being an outsider and all. There must have been something Ursula did or said. Maybe it was something she was waiting for. Ursula always found a way to get what she wanted. And why not? She was cunning and methodical. Someone with Bianca's character would quickly wilt to Ursula's presence. Certainly it seemed like Bianca wasn't pushed by the way she described her own disappointment in herself. No, not pushed but rather pulled slowly by invisible strings. Strung along and groomed to do the things that were indirectly asked. Told to feel something that belonged to another players painful back story. Punishing her for not living up to the ideal that was earlier set. Embossed on the road to read, "This is what you said verbatim. Isn't it? Isn't it exactly what you said?" To finally expose the liar that Bianca was. To have her fold like so many others who were brought to justice. Justice, because she lied.

The last time I saw Bianca she and Gary were planning some sort of holiday vacation get away thing. Bianca had this urgency about her these past few months. She wasn't around much and no one ever confronted her directly about it. It wasn't that we didn't care. It was just that we didn't want to put her further onto the ledge's edge. You have to understand how she is. This wasn't her anymore. She's changed so much. Colorful and stylish turned into drab and stealthy. Even her voice had changed. For God's sake she was the standard once. She made it a point to make shit work. Every detail was handled professionally. It would take her time and money to get her look together. She would get a manicure every week like clockwork. Now there's blood under a few of her fingernails. Gary always told her to not care about what other people think and most importantly to be fearless. He angrily whispered, "Nothing can touch you." The doubt would slide out from under her lips, nose, and ears. She was baffled with everyones solidarity and strength. Somehow it was unfathomable to her. She said something about how they aren't lies. It's something different. Something necessary. Then the last thing I heard her say was, "Everyone gets a piece, but no one gets the full story."

Romantic Comedy

2009-04-13T17:54:00.000-07:00

"Romantic Comedy"

April 2009

I'm on a date I'm not sure why I'm attending. Less of a laughable farce and more like a fatigued sigh. Somthing so much less ambitious than ever before. I'm not sure what to tell you or what you need to hear. You're still asking questions you think I want to answer. It's all prelude to another vexing compromise. The absolute opposite of where I want to be. Lately i've been so far from the life I've wanted. Wrestling with bad decisions and fickle swings. You wouldn't want to fit into this frustrating mess. I simply want a warm place to hide. A spot to slither into and die. To fast without hunger and sweat from dulling pain. Disappear deeper into a quieter white palace. Where there's no give or take. No push or pull. Lit up with only my sunken ships and deserted dreams. Watching failures who pass me by surface to success. It's just so depressingly funny. Laughing and couching to the tune of the end. That turning point when life completely changed. All because lust was no longer stronger.

Skepticemia

2009-03-30T19:33:00.000-07:00

"Skepticemia"

March 2009

I got nervous again. Lost all my fingernails. Split my head open too. Then my face flew off. It fell off to a place where I couldn't recognize it's expression. It wasn't mine anymore. Now it belongs to another. Someone I've known. That I had outgrown. Yet I never said goodbye.

Still you want to know. But I should be the one with the questions. Truth is I don't believe. I won't believe. So desperately wish I could. Please surrender with your inquistion. Do so the way I gave up a long time ago. Doing the deadman's float in a sea of people.

My mistakes are my own. Walking closer to imperfection. With all the work I dropped on your lap so long ago. I can face that now without a place. Getting back to what I hate most. To find a familiar purpose. To fill these veins with poison that actually feels warmer than your love.

The Inability

2009-03-22T19:58:00.000-07:00

"The Inability"

March 2009

You Should Know

2009-03-05T21:06:00.000-08:00

"You Should Know"

March 2009

Do you?

Do you really?

Prove it.

Prove it to me.

You should know.

You should know what they say.

What they say about you.

Are you ok?

You're always asking.

Am I ok?

After what I heard.

After what they say.

About me.

About me and you.

Now I keep telling you I won't crack

but i'm already in pieces.

Unstuck and far away.

Walking through my city's skeleton.

Like a shepard lost without sheep.

More Than This

2009-02-08T17:16:00.000-08:00

"More Than This"

February 2009

I've done this.

Allowed you to crawl through again.

Heard you were now thinking.

Well, good for you.

You've managed to offend me.

Warning them about me and the

sinister actions you've accuse me of.

Got me twitching like a time-bomb.

Burning my tongue to kill the taste.

Leaving me screaming in traffic.

Completely sick of it and

It won't roll off my back.

Yet, here's my dumb face

in your stupid light.

All is exposed and time won't lie.

Revealing the ugly truth that nothing changes

and how nothing is all we will ever be.

I just don't want it anymore.

I've done this all before.

Test of Patience

2009-02-04T18:37:00.000-08:00

"Test of Patience"

February 2009

Another day, another page.

The book only gets heavier.

Still, it doesn't change a thing.

There is nothing in a hello.

And even less in a goodbye.

Invite me to your corner.

Convince me this isn't a test.

Lead me somewhere true.

Still, it doesn't change a thing.

Leads to something I've already done.

HOODWINKED

2009-01-26T16:12:00.000-08:00

"Hoodwinked"

January 2009

Don't believe what you see. Their well placed tricks are made to sway you. They want you scared and willing to do whatever they tell you. All the shit that's fit to print. What they deem necessary. They call it news.

Your eyes will grow smaller and your mouth much bigger. The appetite to buy that which you'll never need consumes you. Eat, spend, worry... then cry about it. Become the vulnerable lumpy clod they potty-trained you to be. Get out there and follow traffic to more crowded confusion. Be one with the rest of the flock. Rest on your fat head on that designer pillow. Close those tired tiny eyes.

Vas Deferens

2009-01-18T19:15:00.000-08:00

"Vas Deferens"

January 2009

I've come to this party to see your place. Just so you can slap my face. One more empty letter to solidify this tomb. I'm never leaving this room. This shaking anxiety won't quit. I'd be better off pranoid. A simple wooden white lie. To feel something other than abandoned. Leave what passed in the past. I'll deal with jealosusly when I get there. Skip to read only the last chapter. Five pages deep it becomes a coaster. Needing attention simply to entertain. Scratch away the winter itch. Shoot out with skillful frenzy. Dry off the clinging freezer burn. Make it all go away. Ten hot seconds at a time. That thing that makes it happen. Over and over and over again. But it's never over with you. My fragile memory won't allow it. You've been the only girl for me. So glad you've stuck with him. Just waiting for this conversation to end. Patiently awaiting another accident. I've come this far just to see your face. So now you can put me in my place. One more letter to decorate my room. I'm never leaving this tomb.

Pleasexplain

2009-01-08T19:59:00.000-08:00

"Pleasexplain"

January 2009

When you feel your life has no worth.

You search for that one shining star

that burned out a long time ago.

You let the weather make up your mind.

To clean up that mess you left behind.

Stuffed in a bag and shoved into someone elses closet.

Clip the pieces and save them in a box in some corner.

Drive in circles waiting for an opportunity.

All to waste an hour or another dark night.

Slowly rotten. Quietly forgotten.

Another stupid fuckin story.

Because it sounded good in my head.

Then I spoke and wrecked everything again.

Un Sacciu Natare

2008-12-29T16:28:00.000-08:00

"Un Sacciu Natare"

December 2008

She's in there.

Somewhere hidden.

Haunting me.

Myrmidon

2008-12-21T09:10:00.000-08:00

"Myrmidon"

December 2008

Inspired by images of Puscifer.

Sundowning

2008-12-14T14:08:00.000-08:00

"Sundowning"

December 2008

Night falls and all is lost.

Security is slowly forgotten.

Darkness covers us in its net.

Punishes us when we're alone.

We remove and lift this dark curse.

Just to keep us from bleeding so much.

Unable to be until the sun returns

to bless us tomorrow.

Please allow me to sleep.

Let time by and say goodnight.

It must all be put to bed.

To kill it before it reaches you.

60/40

2008-11-22T12:55:00.000-08:00

Sixty/Forty

November 2008

There was reason. There was hope. Now there's only disappointment and decay. The rotting smell means it's time to move. Turning away from your deathbreath I clutch your hair and run. Holding your head underwater until you're done... and still you surface.

I've released the anchor from where I sleep. The place you pryed yourself in and withered from within. There we found ourselves holding on for dear life. Sometimes the simpliest things are impossible. You wanna hold my hand. You want me to pull you up... but i'm holding a noose.

Until It Happens To You

2008-11-08T15:55:00.000-08:00

Until It Happens To You

November 2008

Hold yourself down.

Keep it together.

Fight the cancer you've created.

You whine about understanding.

You'll never know.

Until it happens to you.

Behind The Armor 2

2008-10-12T18:15:00.000-07:00

"Behind The Armor 2"

October 2008

Protect yourself at all times.

Beware the misinformation that feeds you.

It runs through your mind all the time.

ALEXIA

2008-10-12T17:34:00.001-07:00

"Alexia"

October 2008

The dream ended a long time ago.

All that remains is the hangover.

Left volunteering to take another step back because nothing makes much sense anymore.

Driven completely off the path.

Lost and confused with only one way to go.

Back to where we started out.

Words that deceive and dance around the truth.

Empty letters sent to whom ever is not concerned.

I don't know why, because I can't understand the writing on the wall.

EPISIOTOMY

2008-09-26T18:50:00.000-07:00

"Episiotomy"

September 2008

When everything was something, I got ahead. Simply for a minute, I got ahead. But then I slid down and back into you.

One dialates while the other waits. Watching for you to come out. To explore our city with your hands and feet and teeth. Chewing through these small lives. To fit through, head-first. To make a better room. To push passed this flakey, fickle place...

just to get to you.

Purgatory

2008-09-05T15:36:00.000-07:00

Purgatory

September 2008

Hook it up.

Sew the pieces.

Pull us through.

Stuck in this fishbowl.

Sinking deeper into the middle.

Stretched outside the box.

Judgement won't pass until we change.

It's everyday with you.

Taking weight from my chum.

Taken bait because I'm dumb.

Hooks in you.

Chew the pieces.

Pull through.

S.

2008-09-05T15:35:00.000-07:00

August 2008

Happy Birthday

Sabrina.

Thrush

2008-08-26T18:24:00.000-07:00

"THRUSH"

August 2008

Ready, right on time, waiting in the car. The rumbling rattles through my empty, dry mouth. Scratching down deep to my whining stomach. Open and now ajar we start to absorb one another. I fight to avoid this cancer while you repeat the words that just came from my dry lips. Gathering disease and allergies , we push them back and forth. It's all self absorbed in our skin and through our arms and through our feet. Vein over vain. Breathing in and sweating out. Another collection that must be sold. We chew at the proper pace. Share the same shit. Then race to finish first. So unlike anyone I've eaten before. From the pit of my rotting paunch, I thank you. For that distance we've made. Those familiar steps we take while walking rounds with others. Unlike a bird, you're more of a virgined player who forgot the rules. Moves that are foreign like it never felt this way before. And you leave me. You leave me hating myself for wanting more. Half for me and six for you, you, and you. I'm sorry to say this...You let yourself get in your way.

Scaduto

2008-08-07T19:26:00.000-07:00

"Scaduto"

August 2008

These things happen. We spoke about the fall. You didn't care at all. Both running until it ran out. Only i'm built with an off switch.

If you say it one more time I just might kill myself. A finger i'll slip. With blood on the tip. Like a question mark in the dark.

They want you trampled and confused. The way they are. To be left without a heart. But don't worry. You can have mine.

So we've been erased. A practice in experation. You want so much from me. I'll give you something to cry about.

November

2008-08-07T19:25:00.000-07:00

"November"

August 2008

Tattoo For Danielle.

Behind The Armor

2008-08-01T15:45:00.000-07:00

"Behind The Armor"

July 2008

Allayed, but clothes still burn.

The smell, a sign to strike while the iron is still hot.

Iron from your suit protecting you from what's in front, dead ahead.

Behind a hospital gown with zero defense from my calm attack.

Your neck, your back.

Returning for your regularly scheduled ambush.

The is a reminder to no longer look back.

It's simply more of the same.

Less of a shame.

This irresponsiblity leaves another infection.

One hot minute of applause.

Retarded for a common cause.

Fitting for our time.

Beyond The Armor

2008-08-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

"Beyond The Armor"

July 2008

Oh, how your vision slips.

I've crept inside your armor and under your radar.

Your careless radar.

I got passes, hired a beard, and wrecked the figurehead.

How could you let this happen?

So now i've sewn my mouth shut from letting so much out.

Tattooed my neck and temple.

Been pulled apart by my fuckin ears.

Came apart like a cheap suit.

How could you let this happen to me?

The Opposite Of Building

2008-07-16T12:56:00.000-07:00

"The Opposite Of Building"

July 2008

The key to your heart swings in the breeze.

This escapable truth makes me freeze.

I just like the way you look at me.

Rejuvenate you with my key.

Telling you to turn it off.

Instead you breath heavy and cough.

Watching every move two by two.

After all, that's what towers do.

Mourning Sickness

2008-07-08T14:16:00.000-07:00

"Mourning Sickness"

July 2008

This time we didn't think. Furtively we battled while tumbling down the stairs. Enjoying the process half awake. Taking our careless time giving in with mutual common sense. Now you're gone. Leaving endless messages in this time of grief. I miss you like a moth misses flame. Wanting to lament how much I do not fear this. Right now I'd walk through fire to get to you. You woke me up again and slowly my bed changes from blue to gold. Still you're gone. Alone I fumble for my keys and split the door open with my head. We're both sick inside each other. I'm using your hardship and you're using me while I'm hard to turn me into someone else. This time I just don't mind. I can't. I can't remember what I said to you, or you...or you. I'm relishing your loving caress. While still mourning my future loss.

A Joke

2008-07-03T16:23:00.000-07:00

A Joke

June 2008

Woke like a joke.

Assessed this situation.

Laughed my head off.

Another thrilling defeat.

This bleeding heart has found a cork.

The apple of my eye, rotten to the core.

A pair of loving paramours.

Happy to have found nothing.

In you, with you.

Embrace this notion of self.

Laughed my head off.

It's ok, i'll live, i'm fine.

This flippant curse is just another blessing.

One to look back at and laugh.

Corr.Sage

2008-06-26T20:12:00.000-07:00

Corr.Sage

June 2008

Black and White.

For Nataly Suzuki.

Safeword

2008-05-12T18:37:00.000-07:00

"SAFEWORD"

May 2008

I'm secretly defending you again. Making excuses for your lack of interest.

You won't stop until I say the words you long to hear.

I won't stop unless you tell me.

Completely Defeated

2008-05-12T18:24:00.000-07:00

"Completely Defeated"

May 2008

I've turned around to find you've turned on me.

Everything is backwards and nothing much makes sense.

Punished for averting disaster.

It came anyway.

Made my bed, i'll die in it alone.

Every night, this life is over again.

Awake to find fragments of all the disappointments i've made.

Fight my way through the day.

I'm thinking of you, therefore you're thinking about me.

You've won and you stop yourself from seeing all that i've lost.

You shouldn't care, so I won't blame you.